From the MASSACHUSETTS-ANNEXED FRONTIER TERRITORY OF MAINE...

The Declaration of Independence: Brittle Parchment of Liberty

If you are going to sever ties to your Commonwealth through bloody struggle, it is considered polite to write down why. Nobody wants to get three years into a revolution only to realize the whole thing was a Three’s Company-esque misunderstanding. The Declaration of Independence was the laundry list of grievances stating America’s case for freedom. Its accusations against the King ranged from egregious ("He has plundered our seas, burnt our towns and ravaged the lives of our people") to the trifling ("Sometimes when he sees us at a party he acts like he doesn’t know us"). But proud men would not take up arms against the Crown solely because the King had "erected a multitude of new offices." The authors of the Declaration knew they would also have to appeal to man’s higher nature, to stir men’s souls. They needed something with some zazz. Enter a hot-shot tobacco executive from Virginia, Thomas Jefferson.

His task would be to synthesize the unique brand message of America down to something that would captivate the hard to reach "12-28 ragtag militia" demographic, all the while not offending traditional "Butterchurn Moms." His first attempt at a Preamble was:

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AMERICA. A is for All the tea they taxed. M is for the Minutemen they shellaxed..."
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It tested poorly. But his rewrite would be win-win:

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"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."
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In a scant 35 words, Jefferson had given the nation the kind of positive brand identity that tendered moot the issue of whether or not we had to live up to its ideals. Still, knowing the inherent contradiction between their noble words and the reality of a slave-owning nation, Jefferson and the Founders wisely decided to strike from the Declaration of Independence the phrase "or your money back."

---From America (The Book): A Citizen’s Guide to Democracy Inaction

Happy 232nd Birthday, America, We The People luv ya.  Cheers and Jeers starts in the Commonwealth of There's Moreville... [Washington's sword: Swoosh!!]  RIGHTNOW!  [Liberty Bell: Gong!!]

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Dear Bill: Is there a method to winning a political argument online?  S.L., South Bend

Dear S.L.:  Try this:

You always You never You should You must You shouldn't You mustn't. Why can't you Why don’t you Why aren't you Why didn’t you How could you? You suck You blow You lie You have no idea. You ignoramus You jerk You Ass You partisan hack. You're lying You're cheating You're distorting You're asking for it. You're out of your mind You’re out of your league You’re out of your tree You're out of your gourd. You’re off your rocker You're off your meds You're off the reservation. You're wrong You're stupid You're ignorant You're mental You're full of shit. You're an automaton You're a bomb-thrower You’re a water carrier You're a Kool Aid drinker You're a hack You're a loser You're a prick. You've got blinders on You've got no sense You've got spittle on your chin You've got your head up your ass. You disgust me You repulse me You disappoint me You make me want to puke. You’re talking in circles You're talking in riddles You’re talking in gibberish You're talking trash You're talking like a two year old. You can go to hell You can kiss my ass You can leave You can take your shit to another blog. I'm warning you I'm telling you I'm advising you I'm this close to troll-rating you. I'm sick of your crap I'm sick of your attitude I'm sick of your comments I'm sick of your emails I'm sick of your purity. Mine's better, smarter, faster, more organized, more effective and more experienced than yours, whatever it is. I say so I know so I was there I heard it from the horse's mouth I saw it on the internet I found it on Wikipedia I have a friend who took a class I got it from Fox News I read a press release from my congressman. Knock it off Cut it out Get a clue Do your homework. Clearly you don’t  understand Clearly you don’t listen Clearly you don’t get it Clearly you haven’t tried it Clearly you weren't old enough at the time Clearly you're out of touch Clearly you're running around with the wrong crowd Clearly you want us to lose. One more word One more peep One more comment One more outburst One more syllable and you'll regret it. Don’t give me that attitude Don’t play that card Don’t change the subject Don't act so surprised Don’t be so stupid. Go to hell Go pound sand Go back to your mommy Go screw yourself Go to Little Green Footballs. I'm sick of you I loathe you I hope you get what's coming to you, crybaby.

And then add: "With all due respect." Bingo---you win.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Me of Little Faith

Don’t let the title fool you.  Comedian Lewis Black comes off as curious and open-minded about religion and spirituality (including eyebrow-raising brushes with psychics and miracles) in his new book, which debuted in the top 10 on the New York Times bestseller list and has hovered there for three weeks. But he also isn't afraid to call bullshit when he sees it.

Noting the recent glut of pro- and anti-religion bestsellers, Black says he wrote Me of Little Faith "Because I think [religion] is taken too seriously, and anything that takes itself too seriously is open to ridicule." At the same time, it's "a book about my own relationship with religion, where my---dare I say it?---spiritual journey has taken me." Over the course of 237 pages, Black spouts off about Jews, Christians, Mormons, televangelists, the Amish, the rapture, creationism, reincarnation, and Heaven...which may or may not be a golf course. And yes, the F-word is used liberally throughout, because "it's not really a word to me, it's a comma."

He also targets religion in politics, including this:

I have never given a shit what religion the president is. He could worship a can of peas for all I care. I just want him to be good at what we elected him to do, which is to lead the United States of America. ...

Of course, if the president is going to be really religious, it would be nice to know that up front, before we elect him. For instance, it would have been helpful to know that Bush the Younger was going to view himself as God's hammer. That's the kind of information I consider important.

I guess the lesson we learned with this administration---or at least that some of us have learned---is to watch when the son of a bitch keeps blowing the religious horn. Maybe we could have convinced him he would have been happier as a preacher instead of the leader of the free world.

I know I would have been.

It's a quick, funny read that makes ya think. And if you don’t buy it you may not get into Heaven.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Troubling

The FISA bill---now resting comfortably in a shoebox in Harry Reid's office---contains an odd section (#110 to be precise) that redefines the meaning of "Weapons of Mass Destruction." Said Mcjoan last week:

I wonder how many Senators blithely casting their lot with this bill realize that they're redefining warfare.

There's every chance that the immunity provisions in the bill are unconstitutional. But Congress doesn't know because no Judiciary Committee hearings were held to vet that portion of the bill. Nor were any Defense Committee hearings held to vet this WMD provision.

That's what happens when the oversight muscle of Congress becomes so atrophied. They don't even conduct oversight of themselves. And they don't know what they're voting for.

This is troubling to say the least. So in the interest of shedding light on other components of the FISA bill that have nothing to do with FISA, I tore into the guts of it over the weekend. Here's what else I found:

SEC. 85. HARVEY WALLBANGER
(1) Redefined to replace Vodka with single malt scotch.
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SEC. 92. LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS
(1) A "LOVELY BUNCH" shall consist of (a) no less than three, but (b) no more than seven coconuts. (2) Penalty for violation is a maximum of (a) Three years in federal prison, (b) a $10,000 fine, and/or (c) rendition.
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SEC. 125. HONEY, WHILE YOU'RE AT THE STORE
(1) Please get (a) Milk, with (a1) no more than two percent milkfat and (a2) no growth hormone,  (b) Eggs, (c) Curry powder, (d) All-Bran, without (d1) raisins, but with (d2) extra fiber, (e) Chicken, without (e1) the skin, and (e2) the bones, (f) Chiclets. (2) Be sure you write it down somewhere so you don’t forget it, because you always forget stuff when you don't write it down.
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SEC 141. IKEA FURNITURE
(1) All IKEA furniture shall (a) come packed in a cardboard box just large enough to not fit into a standard-size vehicle, (b) come with a minimum of 89 loose parts, including (b1) a minimum of three missing parts that are considered (b1a) critical to the structural integrity of the piece, and (b2) a minimum of eight parts that belong to an entirely different model altogether.
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SEC. 155. THE LONELIEST NUMBER
(1) One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do. (2) In certain situations two can be as bad as one because (2a) its the loneliest number since the number one.
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SEC. 172. CONGRESSIONAL OVERSIGHT
(1) One day each year, members of (a) The United States House of Representatives, and (b) The United States Senate shall be granted exclusive access to the top of the Washington Monument for (c) twenty four hours to (d) throw eggs at tourists and/or (e) drop watermelons to watch them explode on the sidewalk below. (2) When people complain we'll blame the Park Service.
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SEC. 198. DRESS CODE
(1) All visitors to the Capitol Building, excluding (a) Members of Congress, (b) Their guests, (c) Capitol Building employees, and (d) Delivery drivers and/or couriers, must wear approved hospital gowns and submit to random probes in the 'ol rotunda. (2) If ya know what I mean.
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SEC. 203. AVIARY SCIENCE
(1) The egg came first. (2) And that's final.

Just as I thought. They're nuts.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Monday Morning Freedom Toast with Jerome

For most Kossacks, Jerome a Paris needs no introduction. His economic and environmental columns are an almost daily fixture on the recommended diaries list. Like Lafayette in our War of Independence, Jerome is a valuable---nay, crucial---ally in the war on conservative ignorance and deception. This morning he's the latest victim in our never-ending series, Yes, We're All Staring At YOU!

C&J: How long have you been blogging at Daily Kos and what attracted you to it?
Jerome a Paris: I registered in the summer of 2004 but did not become a full-fledged Kossack until a few months later. I really started participating in blogs on Billmon's now defunct Whiskey Bar, and I helped organise the community of the "barflies" when Billmon closed the comments over there---together with SusanG and others, we tried to set up an alternative site to keep the discussions going. Moon of Alabama, built by Bernhard, is still around to this day; I started posting front page stories there, and somehow got around to cross-posting them on dKos on a regular basis. I guess it was attractive to get a lot of feedback---although 30 comments then was a huge number! In 2005, it was still possible to post two diaries per day, and I did that quite often. I started writing regularly pretty much at the time my son got sick, but I've never been able to know if there was a link between the two---a need to share, maybe? Anyway, I've had the privilege of often enjoying a place on the recommended list, and I keep trying to live up to the high standards of the community.

France was so supportive of us after the attacks of 9/11. But when you guys didn’t go along with us on Iraq, the Republicans here couldn’t find enough ways to insult your country. To this day they continue to mock France. Is there anything you'd like to say to them on behalf of yourself and/or your nation?
You know, we have the perfect answer to that: it's called the Gallic shrug. Watch me:

[shrug]

But, to tell you the truth, the level of the vitriol we saw in the US about the French was unusual only in that it came from across the Atlantic rather than from across the Channel: we get that all the time from the Brits, but didn't expect you guys to be jealous too. It's very flattering to get all that attention for an insignificant, declining nation.

What kind of music makes you feel invincible to the evildoers who walk among us?
Musette and Drums, by Cocteau Twins.

Finish this sentence: In the kitchen I make a mean...
Pasta with eggs. I don't like to cook, but this somehow works. People scoff when I tell them what it is (pasta with eggs, plus grated cheese), but they all grudgingly admit that they enjoy it!

You're a founding father of the European Tribune blog. For readers who might not know about it, what do y'all do over there?
Well, the goal was to create a European version of DailyKos, but it's hard to unite the politics of the continent when they're split up in so many national debates, in so many languages and with such different histories and traditions. We've nevertheless managed to gather a fair number of Europeans and Americans (a good chunk of the readership is still made of Kossacks) to join in what are pretty wonky debates. There's a lot of deconstructing the neoliberal common wisdom (as spouted by the business press and repeated by pundits and politicians---if that sounds familiar, well, it is), following EU stuff, and discussing energy and sustainability issues. We have some great "object" blogging (trains, bridges, clocks, photography) as well as an irreplaceable press review provided every day by Fran with clockwork reliability from (where else?) Switzerland. I'm continually amazed by the quality of the comments on ET.

And of course, it's been the birthplace of the "Anglo Disease", the "Countdown to $100 oil" and other unserious series (we spend a lot of time fighting the "serious" people who seem to be wrong a little bit too often...)

And while we're talking about my blogs, allow me a plug for the Oil Drum, one of the best sites to find information and commentary about energy, where I have the honor of being a Contributing Editor.

France, it seems, has more nuclear power plants than bakeries. It all seems to work well and the people don’t mind getting most of their energy from nuclear. In your opinion should America go "nukular"?
As I've written many times, the order of priority should be 1) energy savings & efficiency, 2) renewables, 3) nuclear, 4) traditional thermal power. As my regular readers know, I push wind, both online and in real life, as I finance the industry. But I'm also mildy supportive of nuclear---with one big proviso: I think it should be State-run and State-financed. The State will always bear the ultimate responsibility for (very) long term waste management and any catastrophic accident, and thus it should benefit from the revenues the industry can generate. Also, given that the cost of electricity is highly sensitive to interest rates, it will always be much cheaper if paid for by government. The French did it right, and it works: it's well-run, cheap and safe. Of course you need to trust the government to be able to do it right.

But thankfully, we do have a few more bakeries than nuclear plants, still. You can eat good bread in lots of places around the world, but there's nothing like a warm croissant or crisp baguette right out of a Parisian bakery...

What do you do for fun when you're not blogging?
"Not blogging"? What is this strange concept you're talking about? Oh, you mean, family, wind farms, food, sleep?

Interestingly though, I get so much useful information for my work from the blogs that the distinction is sometimes hard to make between what's part of my professional life and what isn't. I have been contacted by one of the biggest wind turbine manufacturers via my blog, and now we're seriously discussing financing options. I get invited to conferences because of what people have read on the blogs - but they send the invitation to me in my professional capacity. It can create interesting situations... I do take care to always make clear whether I am acting in a personal or professional capacity, and not to mix the two, but I'm not hiding anything either. My bosses have been remarkably tolerant of my second life---but then again it does not harm my work, quite the opposite, I think (I recognize I'm also privileged to have a job where what I do is pretty much aligned with what I believe in as a citizen)

No waffling here: dogs or cats?
I don't like pets. However, I was forced to give in and we now have 2 cats at home. I could not have tolerated a dog, so I suppose the answer is cats. But the cats are here on the strict condition that I never have to take care of them. They seem to tolerate me ok.

You're well aware of the often spineless things the Democratic leadership does here in the U.S Congress. Does the left-wing suffer from that same self-destructive tendency in France, and are the conservatives as ruthless and dishonest as they are here?
Well, Sarkozy is certainly as ruthless and dishonest. He has perfected, like Blair before him, the art of spin. Combined with his Chirac-like combination of competence to run campaign and incompetence (or disinterest) to actually run the country, and adding his fawning for Bush, I can't say I'm pleased with our current president. Also, he was elected by running on a hard-right anti-immigrant, tough guy line: i.e. to steal Le Pen's voters, he stole his policies. But our left has been surprisingly ineffective, indeed, mired in infighting (conflicting personal ambitions which led to a lack of support for Ségolène Royal in the last presidency) and tempted, a bit too often, by triangulation in discourse. It's a pity, because the last left-wing government, that of Jospin in 1997-2002, was one of the best we ever had, and it did a lot of good things. 9/11 played a role, by allowing fearmongering to dominate the 2002 presidential election and lead to the trauma of Le Pen beating Jospin to the second round against Chirac. The left has still not overcome that episode.

Who is France rooting for in the upcoming election and why?
The French would root for a dog as long as it's not George W. Bush. But there seems to be genuine enthusiasm for Obama. People are really keen to see sanity return to Washington. It won't solve all problems and resolve all disagreements, but at least it will open the door again to the possibility that Washington may be part of the solution rather than (part of) the problem.

I have one question left, but I need to go butter my "freedom toast."  Please ask and answer the final question yourself...

Calvin famously said: "I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it." Is that what being French is, too? Is that why you hate America?

[shrug]

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Friday Carlin:

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, Y'know, I want to set those people over there on fire but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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Viruses, mold, mildew, maggots, fungus, weeds, the e-coli bacteria, the crabs...nothing sacred about those things. So, at best, the sanctity of life is kind of a selective thing. We get to choose which forms of life we feel are sacred, and we get to kill the rest. Pretty neat deal, huh? You know how we got it? We made the whole fucking thing up!
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Human beings are kind of interesting from birth until they reach the age of a year and a half. Then they are boring until they reach fifty. By that time they're either completely defeated and fucked up, which makes them interesting again, or they've learned how to beat the game, and that makes them interesting too.
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If crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
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I distinguish between maniacs and crazy people. A maniac will beat nine people to death with a steel dildo. A crazy person will beat nine people to death with a steel dildo, but he'll be wearing a Bugs Bunny suit at the time.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter.
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Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big.
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If you love someone, set them free; if they come home, set them on fire.
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We're all fucked. It helps to remember that.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Funny, I just got a pop-up message from my spellchecker: "Frisbeetarianism? Oh, right...Carlin. Carry on."

Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Dear President Bush,

It's been awhile since we talked. Just busy, I guess.

Anyway, I want to Congratulate you. You win. In fact, you win big-time. It's time for me to admit it: you came, you saw, you kicked ass.

Over the course of the past seven and a half years, you and your wingman Dick Cheney have gotten virtually everything you demanded, much if it without a fight. You used a national tragedy to clamp down on Americans' civil liberties and launch a war against a country that neither caused that tragedy nor threatened us at all. You pretty much halted government-supported scientific research and environmental protection in their tracks. You did nothing to solve the health care crisis. You politicized the Justice Department. You worked hard to breach the church-state levee in the government, and then played patty-cake while the real levees collapsed into countless people's back yards. You gave big business (especially big oil, big finance and big military-industrial complex) free reign to "self-police." You made your elite base very, very rich, while using your shiny lapel pin to awe-strike your poorer, more ignorant base.

I mean, you are so talented that you even managed to break the Census Bureau. My gosh, even Reagan couldn’t figure out how to do that.

And through it all you avoided repercussions. Even losing GOP House and Senate majorities hasn’t slowed you down much. There's so much raw evidence to impeach your ass that it would be as easy as Dick Cheney shooting a lawyer in the face. The rap sheet is a mile long. Yet you remain 100 percent unscathed, threatened by nothing more than a pretzel getting stuck in your craw. That's amazing. My peasant hat is off to you.

Seriously, all you've "suffered" (if you can call it that) is low approval ratings. Big deal. As long as you have your 25 percent "base" that thinks you walk on water, you can do anything you want. Smirk. Dance. Ride your bike. Wave. Swagger. Intimidate the Democratic leadership with the word "Boo!", beat the traditional media so senseless that when you say "jump" they put on rocket shoes and blast off for the stratosphere. Smirk some more. Clear some more brush. Hell, you can do pretty much anything you damn well please.

So, sincerely: congratulations. You may have wrecked the country and your party, but so what? You got everything that you, George W. Bush, wanted out of your time in office. You should have no regrets, since you telescoped your intentions to everyone well in advance (yes, even back in school). And in seven months you'll retire and open up a Texas-size think tank disguised as a presidential library that will perpetuate your propaganda and your policies. ("Oh look, Heritage Foundation...you have a baby brother!")

Many will say your administration was a failure, but that only works if they're thinking about the welfare of the country and its 300 million citizens. Your presidency was never about them (just ask the Supreme Court)---it was about you taking care of your circle of rich, power-hungry, war-mad cronies while simultaneously setting out to prove how much the federal government can suck. On that score, you may indeed be the best president ever.

Love, Billy

P.S. Hugs to Laura and the twins.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Supporting the invisible troops

Oh, there's still wars going on? Gee, you'd never know it from the two minutes a week the networks devote to it:

According to data compiled by Andrew Tyndall, a television consultant who monitors the three network evening newscasts, coverage of Iraq has been "massively scaled back this year." Almost halfway into 2008, the three newscasts have shown 181 weekday minutes of Iraq coverage, compared with 1,157 minutes for all of 2007.

Frank Rich adds:

The only problem is that no news from Iraq isn’t good news---it’s no news. The night of the Baghdad bombing [in which 51 people died] the CBS war correspondent Lara Logan appeared as Jon Stewart’s guest on "The Daily Show" to lament the vanishing television coverage and the even steeper falloff in viewer interest.

Just to refresh everyone's memory, we have about 142,000 soldiers over there (plus 32,000 in Afghanistan), keeping their collective finger in the Freedom Dike, waiting as the Iraqi government hems and haws and sips tea on its way to exerting some semblance of control...control that is still frustratingly elusive five years after we invaded. Says Lt. General Lloyd Austin: "There are no areas ... that we would be willing to separate out right now to dedicate specifically to the Iraqi security forces. We've been clear about saying that they're not there, yet."

And so our men and women in uniform patrol streets and neighborhoods. And build stuff. And repair stuff. And teach the Iraqis which end of the gun is the business end. And serve as ambassadors and referees. And guard things and search things. And sit around. And eat shitty food. And hope they don’t get electrocuted in KBR's showers or get poisoned by KBR's water. And be bored out of their frigging minds. And wonder when they'll get new underwear and socks.

Yeah. The Bush crew is a little stingy on providing the finest fighting force in the world with underwear and socks and lots of other things they need to feel semi-human over there. So as soon as I publish C&J today, I'm giving a hundred bucks to Netroots for the Troops (NFTT), whose goal is "to put together and ship 101 care packages to American soldiers currently serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, supplying them with everyday sundries---including work gloves, phone cards, underwear and protein bars---that the government refuses to provide them, despite spending billions of dollars a week." The packages will be assembled and sent from the Netroots Nation convention in Austin.

Financially, the goal is to raise $10,000, and we're so close to achieving it that a little nudge from you and me today will put 'em over the top. If you're not in a position to donate at the moment, click here for some easy no-cost things you can do to help make this cool-as-beans community project (to which other progressive blogs have pitched in, too) a success. It won't bring them home, but it'll bring a little home to them.

Oh, by the way, I checked the forecast highs for Baghdad over the next week: 113°, 115°, 116°, 113°, 109°, 111°, 110°. So in addition to the phone cards and baby wipes and CDs, let's be sure to toss in a few 'o these.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Oh! More Things I Know:

If I don’t write it down, I'll forget it.

The content you're looking for on a web page may not always load right away, but the ads always will.

How have we managed to survive all these years without Sam Nunn in the public eye? Hope!

One of the things I'll regret most in this life is not having the opportunity to be a heterosexual father whose son or daughter comes out to him as gay. I have a whole "Attaboy!/Attagirl!" speech prepared and everything.

When Democrats express confidence about our chances of taking back the White House, we're being "smug." When Republicans express confidence about winning back the White House, they're being "scrappy!"

Whenever a news story begins with, "[Person X] and [Person Y] were the best of friends, who did everything together...", it will involve an organ transplant.

It must be a real downer to be a hair that pokes through its follicle for the first time and realizes it's on John McCain's butt.

I saw a protestor in California holding up a sign that said: "Marriage still = 1 Man + 1 Woman." No shit, Sherlock. Who said it didn’t?

Republicans will go further with bogus impeachment hearings against President Obama than Democrats ever did with legitimate ones against President Bush. In fact, Republicans will make it a normal course of action to try and impeach every Democratic president from now until the Earth gets swallowed by the sun. Democrats will never try to impeach a Republican president, but will sometimes go along with impeaching a Democratic one.

I've been seeing quite a few John McCain ads plopped in the middle of progressive blogs lately. Obama's campaign should do the same thing with righty blogs...except instead of linking to a fundraising page, they should link to the Fight the Smears page.

If wishes were ponies, Acme Horse Dung Removal Systems, Inc. would be the #1 performing stock on Wall Street. Better yet, it would be recession-proof.

Why is George W. Bush pressing Congress so hard for offshore oil drilling when it will take virtually as long to get the oil out as it would to develop a large-scale alternative energy program? Because he's a greedy, short-sighted, lying, oil-industry-loving Republican. Apologies for all that redundancy.

If I don’t write it down, I'll forget it.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Jotter...International Man of Mystery

"I'm 57, I have a PhD in biochemistry. I'm no longer in the lab, it's all computational biology now. I'm originally from Tennessee, and have lived in the San Francisco Bay Area since 1980."

So begins the six-volume, 1,016-page epic saga of the Kossack whose daily High Impact Diaries reach the uppermost echelons of Echelonia. In our latest installment of our interview series, Yes, We're All Staring at YOU!, Jotter takes a seat in the beanbag chair...

How long have you been blogging at Daily Kos and what first attracted you to it?
I started exploring the political blogosphere in 2002-2003, for the usual reasons (good god, I'm not alone!), and rapidly came across Daily Kos. I read the site for a good long while (I saw the transfer to Scoop) before registering in November 2003. Comments only until July 2004, when my first timid post recommending a recent article by Kurt Vonnegut garnered all of two commenters---Maryscott [O'Connor] and Malacandra. It seems timely to revisit that article now. Mr Vonnegut concludes with: "We are all addicts of fossil fuels in a state of denial, about to face cold turkey. And like so many addicts about to face cold turkey, our leaders are now committing violent crimes to get what little is left of what we're hooked on." Too bad Kurt was so ill-informed.

You're the author of the popular daily diary called "High Impact Diaries." It's widely rumored that many people try to sleep their way to the #1 spot, and more than a few have gone clinically insane once they reached the top. How does it feel being the Casey Kasem of Daily Kos?
It was a little disturbing to have Armando drop by frequently and shout FRAUD! at the top of his voice. Maybe that's where the rumors started?

You flatter me by comparison---Casey Kasem certainly made a career out of his lists, I'm just doing what I can do for this community. Other people have the content thing down better than I could aspire to. The "Top o' the Charts" competition using the high impact list as a score card, while a heap of fun from time to time, is not really why they are there. I'm gratified by the reports that people find them useful for keeping track of "what happened" on the site, and for getting caught up when they have to be absent for a while. But many people seem to like the sporting aspect, so let them enjoy.

How do you determine the impact of a given diary?
Gee, Bill, funny you should ask that! As you know, the impact measure attempts to combine both recommendations and comments into a single number. Rather than go into detail about the calculation (I'm afraid everyone would click away, click away), suffice it to say that your work serves as the standard for comparison. Impact is defined relative to Cheers & Jeers in the first 13 weeks of 2005, before you ascended to the front page. It seemed only right and proper to call the unit of impact "bharns". And so it is. Impact first made its appearance in this diary. Those really interested can go there to get the first chapter of the story (of which there are several more).

What is the highest-impact diary of all time?
I'll give you the fish, and teach you to fish too. But caveats first. Since impact requires both recommendations and comments, there isn't any available number for diaries produced before the recommendation system was finalized. There were no great numbers of recommendations until Kos put up a notice about it Aug 10, 2004.

And then there is impact inflation. As more people show up and participate, the average impact of the top diaries goes up. So it is probably best to list top diaries per year for each year:

1. I Hate to Interrupt, But... by Keith Olbermann (1/14/08---1,675 recommends, 1,598 comments, Impact = 18.58)

2. Gore-ville UPDATE: Gore Knows by Mike Stark (2/11/07---1,475 recommends, 695 comments, Impact = 15.65)

3. Updated: Florida machines flipflopping votes to GOP already by Cream City (10/30/06---1,283 recommends, 875 comments, Impact = 13.83)

4. The. Biggest. Scandal. Ever! Phony Front Companies Cycle Millions to GOP! House Staffer, DELAY by Sherlock Google (12/10/05---812 recommends, 389 comments, Impact = 8.65)

5. NATIONAL! The smoking gun on voter registration fraud: Nathan Sproul by Bob Johnson (10/13/04---425 recommends, 217 comments, Impact = 4.56)

6. Rock the Vote: Discuss the debate by Marisacat (11/05/03---[Recommends didn't exist then], 463 comments, Impact = .79)

If just one per year isn't enough---and really, it isn't---use search to find more. Set the time limits to encompass your year of interest, sort by impact, use sid=2005 (or whatever year you want). Like this.

What kind of music makes you feel invincible to the GOP horde?
Oh the usual stuff, Corelli, Motown, Tom Petty, John Coltrane, Lorraine Hunt Lieberson, that sort of thing. And of course almost anything that Land of Enchantment drops off. Here's a book recommendation or two: This is Your Brain on Music, and Musicophilia.

Finish this sentence: In the kitchen I make a mean...
Negroni. In my defense, the bar is close to the kitchen.

What do you do for fun when you're not workin' the blogs?
My work---analysis of gene expression and gene amplification---is my fun, mostly. Also some spectator art; season subscriptions to theatre (Berkeley Rep, ACT), and music (Philharmonia Baroque). Some sailing when I get the chance. Extensive fooling around on the computer. Python.

No waffling here: dogs or cats?
Have I shown you my pictures of Benjamin the Wonder Cat? Pull up a chair. Hey...where ya going? Okay, maybe later.

What are your favorite blogs besides Daily Kos?
I used to have other favorite blogs, but I no longer have the time. I hardly have time for Daily Kos. What did I used to look at? Atrios, TPM, Juan Cole, Making Light, Rick Hasen's Election Law Blog, Dave Niewert, Real Clear Politics (just for the numbers, ya know),

I have one question left, but Hotel Erotica just came on the TV. Please ask and answer the final question yourself...

Who else has Bill interviewed?

Result Interviewee Date
1 Adam B        01/21/2008
2 BarbinMD  12/27/2007
3 SusanG        03/24/2008
4 DarkSyde  01/14/2008
5 Meteor Blades 03/17/2008
6 McJoan        01/07/2008
7 DavidNYC  05/20/2008
8 Georgia10  02/04/2008
9 Plutonium Page 01/29/2008
10 Devilstower 02/25/2008
11 Kagro X        04/07/2008
12 Trapper John 02/12/2008
13 Miss Laura 02/19/2008
14 Smintheus 12/17/2007
15 Scout Finch 12/11/2007

Next: A Kossack who dreams of the day when humans harness electrical power from brie.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

What's in your glass?

To track rum to its source---back through the mojito craze, the Trader Vic interregnum, the Prohibition era, the grim slave epoch, the age of the pirates and the first European settlements of North America---is to run to ground the story of America. ...

Rum has always had a distinctly American swagger. It is untutored and proud of it, raffish, often unkempt, and a little bit out of control. The history of rum tends toward the ignoble, many times pleasingly so. "Rum's early history is one long rap sheet," wrote Hugh G. Foster in 1962. This is especially true when compared to snooty old gin and its dull marriage to the martini, or upstart vodka, for which equality is regularly confused with marketing. And whiskey is still fighting its tired, ancient battles---Scotch versus Irish, Canadian versus bourbon---like feudal lords grappling for control of empty moors. Rum is always willing to try something new and sort out the consequences later. As the bon vivant James Beard put it in 1956, "Of all the spirits in your home, rum is the most romantic."

Rum, in short, has been one of those rare objects in which America has invested its own image. Like moonglow, the life of America is reflected back in each incarnation of rum.

---From And a Bottle of Rum: A History of the New World in Ten Cocktails by Wayne Curtis

All I can say after watching our leaders in the House slash the Constitution to ribbons today is: make mine a double...and make my friend, Mr. Madison's, a triple.

Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Sneak peak at an early draft of Ken Burns' upcoming documentary, The Bloggers:

[MUSIC UP: Plaintive fiddle tune]

[VOICEOVER by John Cusack:]

My Dearest Rosemary,

It has been three days since I joined my fellow bloggers in the battle against the army of the Associated Press. Though we struggle with hunger and aching wrists, our spirits are high. Our scouts in the field say the "Apes" are weak-willed, and infighting among their lawyers and executives may cause them to fall back to safer ground. Were this to come to pass, my dearest darling, I might be able to leave this lonely outpost and hasten my return to your loving arms---"good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise" as we say out here.

Still, it is difficult to surmise what the Apes will do next. They have thus far acted impulsively, engaging and retreating with neither pattern nor discipline. At night we squint in the darkness and see occasional signs of movement. Most times it is a dog or a small child wandering by, asking for food or a bedtime story. We have no time to dispense such amenities, and so we impatiently wave them on to the next encampment. It is a sad, cruel thing, this war.

The minutes pass like hours, my blossom petal, and with every moment my loathing of this accursed conflict deepens. I am able to sleep for mere minutes at a time, but when I do I dream of your beauty---your hair like honeydew, your lips like wine (from a bottle, not a box), your dimples like fleshy indentations of some sort, and your heaving breasts which I hold in the highest regard because, well, they're heaving breasts.

I pray for a speedy end to this accursed conflict---the capitulation of the AP---and I look forward to again holding you in my arms. Please see that the livestock are well fed as we will need their hides and flesh over the winter. All my love to Petunia and Little James.

Your most faithful husband, lover and friend, pookiesparkler199

[TRANSITION EFFECT]

[MUSIC UP: Plaintive tune on hammered dulcimer]

[VOICEOVER by Glenn Close:]

Dear Stanley...I mean, "Pookiesparkler": I'm going to bed. When you're finished down there you can feed the cats---sorry, "livestock"---yourself and then take out the garbage. There's also a message from your boss on the machine. He sounds pissed. You're really pushing it this time, buster.

---R

Coming this fall to PBS.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

North American McCain/Bush Love Association in turmoil?

A new McCain TV ad says he stood up to President Bush five years ago.

Five years ago! What a maverick!

It's just too bad that three years ago he said this to the entire world on Meet the Press:

"The fact is that I have agreed with President Bush far more than I have disagreed. And on the transcendent issues, the most important issues of our day, I have been totally in agreement and support of President Bush. So, have we had some disagreements on some issues--particularly domestic issues?  Yes.  But I will argue my conservative record of voting with anyone's, and I will also submit that my support for President Bush has been active and very impassioned on issues that are important to the American people. ... I strongly disagree with any assertion that I have been more at odds with the President of the United States than I have been in agreement."

I'm sure the McCain campaign plans to issue a statement condemning the McCain campaign for spreading such rhetoric against John McCain. If I were part of Team McCain I'd get on the air with an attack ad ASAP. John McCain should not let John McCain get away with this!

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

As a Courtesy to Our Passengers:

>> Speaking to live airline booking agent helpfulness fee: $.25 per minute (including hold time)
>> Online reservation convenience fee: $5
>> Courtesy luggage-cuddling fee: $15
>> No-snooping-through-your-stuff guarantee: $3
>> Courtesy fee for booking a window seat, middle seat, and exit-row seat, respectively: $10, $5, $15
>> Seat-sharing waiver: $25
>> Use of "courtesy seat" at terminal gate while waiting for plane: $.10 per minute
>> Courtesy passage through enclosed ramp to plane door: $.02 per inch
>> Courtesy smile from boarding-pass checker or flight attendant: $1.50 each
>> Reassuring head nod from pilot or co-pilot: $2.50 each
>> Seat-back pocket rental fee: $2.00
>> Motion-discomfort bag restocking fee: $5.00
>> Courtesy test of flaps, rudder and landing gear: $4.75
>> Courtesy air circulation fee: $1.50
>> No-snakes-on-plane guarantee: $3
>> Rental of light from overhead reading lamp: $0.50 per minute
>> Water, coffee, tea and juice: $2 each
>> Courtesy lavatory flush: $3 each
>> Courtesy fee for not performing a courtesy lavatory flush: $100
>> Ask flight attendant a question: $1 each
>> Cone-of-silence rental (mandatory for babies and loudtalkers over 80db): $20
>> Seat cushion that sinks: $2
>> Seat cushion that floats: $8
>> Mid-flight fuel check: $4.50
>> Landing-at-the-right-airport guarantee: $2.50
>> Courtesy disembarking fee: $25
>> Airline CEO country club membership courtesy contribution: $6

For your convenience, please have the exact amount handy at all times. Courtesy change-making fee is $5. Thanks for flying and have a great day!

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Inside the supercomputer that is the Kossack brain

Every now and then we revisit our C&J poll results, which Gallup proclaims "More accurate than accuracy itself" (and rumor has it John Zogby can't control his bladder when he breaks out our internals). The number of votes for each poll is in parentheses. Behold your collective wisdom from April, May and June...

69 percent think Bill Richardson looks better with a beard than without one. (10,186)

73 percent were open to the idea of a June "mini-convention," during which the superdelegates would publicly announce their support for Clinton or Obama.  (7,724)

24 percent enjoy watching Major League Baseball games the most, except for the 59 percent who most enjoy any kind of baseball game where Bush gets booed off the field. (10,678)

34 percent believe John McCain is weakest on the economy.  26 percent believe he's weakest on Iraq.  20 percent believe he's weakest on honesty and integrity. (9,952)

68 percent are driving less because of gas prices (10,837)

78 percent have visited Washington, D.C. as a tourist. (9,686)

57 percent think FDR was the most effective wartime president, followed by Lincoln at 28 percent. George W. Bush received an astonishingly high 3 percent, for which we thank our visiting trolls.  (13,641)

86 percent think the idea of John Edwards as Attorney General is either great or good. (13,192)

53 percent strongly favor abolishing the electoral college. 26 percent lean yes. (15,853)

42 percent would most like to have lunch with first lady Eleanor Roosevelt, followed by Jackie Kennedy at 19 percent and Abigail Adams at 15 percent. (12,213)

59 percent feel very good about our chances of winning back the White House in November. 34 percent are cautiously optimistic. (21,924)

Memo to future archaeowebologists, who will find and re-publish these "ancient" numbers with great fanfare for the human race that has evolved into a colony of gentle mole people living thousands of feet underground: spell my name right.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

CHEERS to Tim Russert.  May I be blunt?  Fuck...58!  Look, I didn't like his "gotcha" questions when they were pointless (but a lot of 'em were as brilliant as they were unexpected), nor his proclivity for booking substantially more conservative guests and pundits than liberal ones on Meet the Press (Dick Cheney even admitted once that MTP was a great venue for spreading White House propaganda).  But his election analysis was second-to-none, and it was always, always apparent that he loved every second of his journalism career and put his heart and soul into it every day.  And damn if he didn't make it look easy.  We should all be so fortunate.  Russert's absence will be felt mightily especially between now and November 4, and I will miss throwing my shoe at him every Sunday morning.  Our condolences go out to his family, including his colleagues at NBC.  And memo to St. Peter: before you let him through the gates, do me a favor and ask him this:

Mr. Russert, when you were five years old you said this---I'll put it up on the screen:

"Yes, Mom, I ate all my peas.  Now I can have cookies and pie!"

--Source: Secret Godcam, 11/3/55

In fact, you had given the peas to the dog and you accepted the cookies and pie under false pretenses.  Your response?

Gotcha.

Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

What our troops deserve for serving their country:

Fistfuls of money
Free trips to Disney World
Early bird discounts 24 hours a day
Gas discounts and free lifetime public transportation passes
Solid gold commodes
Efficient, no-questions-asked health care in adequately-staffed facilities that don't have mold growing on the walls
Free cable and high-speed internet access
Country club memberships

What else?

Oh yeah...how 'bout a new G.I. Bill that pays for their college education after they've put their lives on the line for our freedom and democracy and 99-cent value meals? The Military Officers Association---"the nation's largest and most influential association of military officers"---strongly supports the bill and adds:

We believe the new "greatest generation" deserves an education benefit more consistent with that the government provided the World War II generation.

We understand the concerns of those who would prefer to see enhanced GI Bill benefits tied to extended military service. However, the GI Bill has always been a veterans’ benefit, not a military retention benefit. ...

MOAA is, indeed, concerned about the serious potential for a retention downturn among today’s forces, but believes strongly that any such downturn will be due to too-frequent extended combat tours and family separations that have been imposed on a too-small force. If the military cannot grow fast enough to ease this unfair burden, the nation must find other ways to reciprocate the level of commitment that today’s service members have already demonstrated to their country at such a great personal cost. One way to do that is to provide a GI Bill benefit that fully covers the cost of attending college

For the life of me, I can't grasp why the mighty Republisupportthetroopsican John McCain was (and is) such a dick about this by withholding his support for the bill. Neither can columnist Dan Thomasson:

[W]hy McCain would take that position is almost unfathomable. Not only is he a product of a long line of military service, his position for a continuing, long-term engagement in Iraq is bound to be a thorny issue for him in November without adding an appearance of insensitivity to the plight and needs of his former colleagues in the armed forces. What can he be thinking?

Probably, "Mom!  Can you c'mere and help me with The Google again?  It's stuck!"

And Bush?

George W. Bush will end his White House years with a legacy of unnecessary death and destruction and political disruption that could plague us for decades to come. Now he would compound that bad judgment by slighting the very men and women he called on to carry out his wrongheaded policies.

Bush and McCain. Peas in a pod.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]